This article is written by Nicole Ewing, Principal, Wealth Planning Office, TD Wealth

As an estates and trusts professional, I’ve certainly had my share of conversations about death, taxes, and all the in-between. I’ve discussed the pros and cons of various approaches, tools, and strategies. I’ve helped those who are all consumed by the planning process and others who could barely give a hoot. But this last year has given me some different insights. The theoretical became real and the “one day” arrived, not once, not twice, but three times.

As I grieved the passing of cherished loved ones, each having taken very different paths in life and in death, I had the opportunity to reflect on their choices and what they meant for their loved ones.

In one instance, death came after a multi-year debilitating illness. Decisions that had long been finalized came back up for consideration. Perhaps MAID was something to consider after all. Perhaps the division of assets between spouses should be different than was settled upon years prior. Now that the time was upon them, knowing the surviving spouse would have to move out of the home they shared so it could pass to children from a prior relationship just didn’t feel right. And maybe the funeral that had been bought and paid for could be reconceived as a celebration of life. For someone who had everything planned well in advance, there were a lot of decisions being made in those final weeks. Last minute changes are often regarded as red flags in our line of work, but, in this instance, they were carefully tied red bows, wrapping up a thoughtful life and legacy.

Another loved one had a short illness and hard choices to make. As they decided between treatments and risks, they wrote all their thinking down. The pros and cons, the things that mattered, and those that didn’t. I flip through those notebooks often – handwritten scrawls providing a window into a unique and special mind. I was gifted other cherished items, handpicked for me. Final days spent packaging up each chosen item and mailing it off to its new home. On the last day there was very little left. And while some may have seen emptiness and bare shelves, my loved one saw intention and peace.

Intentionality and peace was also the driving force behind the binder and carefully written instructions left by another beloved family member. Their death was unexpected – there was no time to do the planning, the thinking, the communicating and clarifying before what was supposed to be a short hospital visit. Nothing could have prepared us for their passing, and yet everything that could have been done was done – the detailed binder, addresses and relationship beside each contact name, planning done as though something could happen at any time. And because these steps were taken, well before anyone thought they’d need to be, our family is enjoying our memories of a life well lived rather than scrambling to make sense of nonsense.

These are the legacies we leave. Beyond legal certainty and tax savings, purposeful planning is a beautiful gift to those left behind.