As an estates law clerk, when I begin work on a new estate administration file, one of the first things I do is read the deceased’s obituary. It isn’t a legal document like the Will, but it often provides valuable background information about the deceased and helpful context about family members.[1] It feels respectful to acknowledge the person behind the file before shifting focus to the legal documents and formal steps of the estate administration.

The inspiration for today’s blog is a book that I recently read called I See You’ve Called in Dead, written by John Kenney. The book is a natural addition to our informal “All About Estates Book Club”. (See my earlier posts on John Grisham’s The Testament and Kathy Reichs’ Cold, Cold Bones.)  Kenney’s novel tells the story of Bud Stanley, a newspaper obituary writer, who drunkenly writes and accidentally publishes his own obituary late one night after a disastrous blind date. Bud is suspended from work while HR tries to figure out how to fire someone who is listed as dead in their system. With unexpected free time, Bud begins attending strangers’ wakes and funerals. The book is filled with dark humour, and although I didn’t initially like Bud, that changed about halfway through. I won’t give away more of the plot in case you decide to read the book except to say that although it is a book about death and dying, more importantly it is about living and recognizing the small moments of life.

The book also prompted me to think more about obituaries, so I wanted to share what I learned in preparing this post and offer some practical considerations.

Obituaries and Death Notices – What’s the Difference?

Although the terms are often used interchangeably, obituaries and death notices serve slightly different purposes. An obituary is usually a longer, narrative tribute highlighting the deceased’s life, achievements, and contributions, and often written by a journalist or other third party. A death notice is a short announcement prepared by the family or funeral home that includes basic biographical details and information about funeral arrangements. Today, the distinction between the two has become less defined, and families have considerable flexibility in both tone and format. Ultimately the goal is to honour the individual in a way that feels authentic to the life being remembered. I have used the term obituary for purposes of this blog.

Where to Publish the Obituary?

An obituary is most commonly published on the funeral home’s website or in the local newspaper, but there are other places to consider depending on who should be informed, e.g. national newspapers, church newsletters, cultural or language‑specific outlets, alumni networks, professional associations and on social media. Many funeral homes offer dedicated memorial webpages that allow families to post the obituary, a photo, and service details, where family and friends can post their memories and condolences.

When to Publish the Obituary?

Unlike the book’s main character Bud, the obituary should not be published prior to death! But writing and publishing an obituary is generally a time sensitive task. Most families aim to have it completed within the first week following the death, whether it will appear online and/or in print. If funeral or visitation details are included, the obituary should be published several days before the service to allow people time to make arrangements, send flowers, or offer condolences.

What Should Be Included in the Obituary?

There are many helpful online resources available to guide families through writing an obituary. At its core, an obituary serves both an emotional and practical purpose: it acknowledges the loss, honours the individual’s life, and provides essential information about funeral arrangements.

Most obituaries begin with a straightforward announcement of the death, with typically the person’s name, age, residence, and date and place of death. Key biographical details often follow: birthplace, education, career, and meaningful milestones. A few lines describing the person’s character or contributions can help create a more complete picture. Listing surviving family members, as well as those who have predeceased the individual, is common. Service details (dates, times, and locations for visitations, funeral, or interment) help ensure that friends and community members know how to pay their respects. Families may include acknowledgments of hospital staff or suggestions for memorial donations.

It’s always a good idea to have someone else review the obituary before it’s finalized. They can help confirm dates, ensure everyone who should be mentioned is included, check name spellings, and verify funeral service details. Obituaries also become part of family history and can be a valuable resource for genealogical research.

Can I Write my Own Obituary?

Yes, you can write your own obituary, and many people choose to do so. Preparing one in advance allows you to express how you would like your life to be described and remembered. It can ease the burden on loved ones during a very difficult time. Discussing obituary wishes in advance isn’t morbid, it can simply be thoughtful.

Closing Thoughts

Reflecting on how we hope to be remembered can also help guide broader conversations about legacy, values, and end‑of‑life preferences. It encourages us to think about how we would tell our own story. Trying to condense an entire lifetime into a few paragraphs, something Kenney’s novel brings into sharp focus, can be surprisingly difficult. But, maybe in doing so, we gain a clearer sense of what truly matters in life.

Thanks for reading.

[1]      Any information taken from the obituary for estate administration purposes should be verified.