This week, many of us will be preparing for Mother’s Day and thinking about how we might honour our mothers or grandmothers and those who are a mothering figure. What do mothers consider the best present? Many will say that the best gift is the gift of time. Mothers with young children might yearn for quiet time and time alone, just for themselves. The paradox is that as we age, many will say that the best gift is time with adult children and their families. Let’s add one more gift – the gift of a clear conversation about future wishes.

Different countries celebrate mothers at various times – in the UK, Mothering Sunday is celebrated in March during Lent; in Mexico, May 10 is always the Día de Las Madres; and in North America and most of Europe, Mother’s Day is the second Sunday in May. No matter where Mother’s Day is celebrated, adult children need to be thinking about having a planning conversation with mom.

How does one start the conversation? Whenever important conversations are on the agenda, it’s wise to be fully present in the moment and focused on the conversation without distractions. Quality is more important than quantity. Focusing on some key ideas to start the conversation can also be helpful. Perhaps your mother’s friend has recently lost her partner of 60 years or is no longer able to drive at 85 years old. These signature events can often be the foundation for a conversation with your own parent.

When should you have the conversation? The earlier, the better! Every family situation is unique, and planning before a health crisis strikes is important. As estate lawyers recommend, older clients review their will every five years; if there is a major change in your life, we should also review our lifestyle plans every five years. If you have not had a good conversation with your mom, how do you know if she has a lifestyle plan or not? What are her wishes regarding healthcare decision-making? Where does she wish to live if she is too ill to stay in her own house? Don’t assume you know if you haven’t asked!

In a previous blog post, we explored the need for lifestyle planning before a health crisis hits later in life. The moral of the story is to start the conversation early so your parent can develop her lifestyle plan before she needs it.

The 5-Year Check-In

Imagine that every five years, we sit down and check in with Mom to discuss her goals and health, well-being, and care needs. Your mother may be in the best of health in her 70s however, a few health issues may start emerging in her early 80s. Some basic questions to start the planning conversation might be the following:

• Who are her trusted people to help in a crisis?
• Does she have updated Power of Attorney documents for Personal Care and Property?
• Do her Attorneys have copies, and do they know her wishes? And are they prepared to act on her wishes and advocate for her?
• Has she communicated her wishes to her family members so there are no misunderstandings about what she wants, where she wishes to live, and who she wishes to live with?
• How will she fund her care if her care needs increase?

This Mother’s Day, give the gift of time and a clear conversation about future wishes. As Rick Warren, the author of The Purpose Driven Life, indicates, time is your most precious gift:

“Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can’t make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.”